Melissa Lawrence

Hi everyone Can you remember the first joke you ever heard? I think this one is probably mine. If an elephant climbs up a tree, how does it get down again? Sits on a leaf and waits until Autumn. That was definitely a "dad joke" as it was my late father who told it to me. I think I might have been about six at the time. Sixty years on, I can still remember laughing at it but also not really understanding why it was funny. But I could definitely see the elephant on the leaf up in the tree and that was the part of the experience which made me laugh. When I was about the same age, I also found  an old First Aid book which had jokes in it and they weren't even Doctor, Doctor jokes, either. One of the very first ones I remember reading and understanding, if not finding absolutely hilarious, was a variation of this old favourite: Johnny: My sister's gone on holiday. Peter: Jamaica? Johnny: No, she wanted to go. Although I think I liked the rhythm of the way the joke was writ...

Hi everyone. It’s a busy month, October. There’s so much going on, it’s difficult to know what to write about. We’ve already had National Poetry Day and we’re still just about in Chocolate Week (hoorah!) with Menopause Day, National Cat Day and, of course, Halloween still to come.  Diwali, the Hindu festival of Lights begins on 31 October this year which is just a few days after British Summer Time ends. And if that wasn’t enough, Leicester City are playing Southampton which is a “six-pointer” if ever there was one!  But I’ve decided to go with Wear It Pink Day which is on 18 October and aims to raise funds for the amazing work done by Breast Cancer Now , the UK’s largest breast cancer charity. Did you know that breast cancer is the most common cancer in the UK with around 55,000 women and 400 men diagnosed with breast cancer every year?  So it’s an extremely important cause and I thought I’d see if I could prompt you into making a donation by setting this fun quiz on th...

Hi everyone. What is it about September which creates that “Start of a New School Year” feeling, even though as in my case, I left school almost 50 years ago? Well, I don’t really know either but what I do know is that it’s the time of year when I like to review what I’ve achieved career and work-wise over the last 12 months. So it’s when I fill in my annual profit/loss sheet (very variable), see how much time I’ve spent on training and development (too much) or marketing and networking (not nearly enough), as well as writing an End of Year Report even though no one but me ever reads it. This September though, I’ve decided to use the month to make a bigger work-related change and have reorganised my “portfolio career”. The term “portfolio career” is really just a grand name for having more than one job but it’s a useful way of defining what I do which over the last twelve years has been a combination of “creative” jobs including writer, designer, crafter, artist and even a musical en...

Hi everyone. It was T.S. Eliot who nominated April as the cruellest month but for me, it’s any month where the temperature regularly goes above 22 degrees. I realise that in many parts of the world that happens pretty much all year round but here in the UK, we’re usually only talking about June, July and August although I do remember us having a heatwave in October once. Personally I hate being hot although I’m now of the age where that can happen even when the temperature outside is below freezing. And of course, the summer temperatures we have are nothing compared with the horrendous heights on the thermometer and their deadly effects that occur in other places. But even in relatively “Cool Britannia”, we can still have trouble working, exercising, eating, concentrating and keeping our temper in the summer months. (Or is that just me?)  T rying to sleep , in our air-conditionedless houses w ith little or no insulation that can feel almost as hot at night as they do in the ...

Hi everyone. Where would writers be without stationery? Well, in the digital age we could probably survive without it but why would we want to? Who wants to deprive themselves of the thrilling possibilities of that brand new notebook, the warm feel of those sheets of paper as they flow from the printer or the hours spent chewing the end of a pencil when we don’t know what to write? So, as an avid devotee of stationery myself and also because I wanted something to blog about and we happen to be in the middle of National Stationery Week , here are 10 things you (probably) never knew about stationery. 1. Post-it Notes Ah, the humble Post-it Note. So many colours, so little time. How on earth did we manage our daily lives before scientist Dr Silver accidentally discovered a glue that didn’t glue properly. Then, with the help of his colleague Mr Fry, the Press ‘n Peel, as they were first named, saved mankind from a world of trouble. 2. Bic Biros Originally known as a Bic Crystal, our...

Hi everyone. Happy World Poetry Day! According to the “oracle” that is Wikipedia, World Poetry Day has been celebrated every year on 21 March since 1999 when UNESCO set it up with the laudable ambition of “supporting linguistic diversity through poetic expression and increasing the opportunity for endangered languages to be hear.” But of course, you knew that, right? The theme for World Poetry Day 2024 is “Standing on the Shoulders of Giants”. It’s intended to remind us how famous poets from the past have helped make poetry important in different cultures and paved the way for others to follow. What do you mean "Poetry doesn't have to rhyme"?! So, just in case you need a gentle reminder as to who some of those famous poets are, here are some opening lines to poems from a few very famous poets (sadly all male but that’s a whole other blog post) although they are all from Western culture and predates anything written since the mid 1960s. This is entirely due to my age, ...

Hi everyone. Did you watch Crufts on TV at the weekend? I must admit to being more of a dog person than a cat person but sometimes I feel sorry for dogs. They seem to have a "ruff" deal compared with cats who, let's face it, often live the life of Riley.  This got me thinking about what it would be like to be a cat or at least behave more like one. Full disclosure: I don't actually own a cat but I have known a few felines in my time.    Who is this Riley dude? I could definitely take him. 10 Ways I Want To Be More Like My Cat 1. Be the master, not the servant. 2. Fall asleep anytime, anywhere, anyhow. 3. Not feel guilty about ending a relationship with someone who thought I was their best friend. 4. Eat when I want to, not when I have to. 5. Rub my head against the legs of a complete stranger without getting arrested. 6. Never lose a staring contest. 7. Sleep all day and stay out all night. 8. Pee in the bath without having to get hammered first. 9. Get free m...

Hi everyone. What can you do when the money is running out, you haven’t sold any work since Taylor Swift became more famous than Elvis and you can’t get an agent or editor to take you on for love nor macaroni. The answer is... keep going! To achieve success as a writer, you have to be incredibly self-motivated and at times, that can feel like trying to climb Everest with a large tin of treacle tied to each ankle. Fortunately, there are things you can do to get your mojo working again and here are just a few of them. 1. When the going gets tough, reach for chocolate Or herbal tea, Kendal Mint Cake, listening to heavy metal, walking the hamster or whatever other treat you fancy. Try creating a work/treat/work sandwich. (You can use an actual sandwich if you like.) Tell yourself that you’ll write for forty minutes, stop for your treat and then write for another forty minutes. Repeat as required. 2. Write it fast, write it now When the muse seems to have packed its suitcase and gone of...

Hi everyone. Happy New Year! I hope you had an enjoyable Christmas, if you celebrate it of course, and as it’s now the beginning of another new year, I thought I’d pose the question “What makes a good beginning?” So if you’ve not already had enough quizzes over the festive period, you might like to have a go at seeing how many of these famous novels you can identify from their opening lines. Answers are at the end of the post if you want to put yourself out of your misery. 1. It was a bright cold day in April, and the clocks were striking thirteen. 2. I write this sitting in the kitchen sink. 3. It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune must be in want of a wife. 4. Call me Ishmael. 5. The past is a foreign country; they do things differently there. 6. It was a pleasure to burn. 7. Like most people I lived for a long time with my mother and father . 8. Last night I dreamt I went to Manderley again . 9. Far out in the uncharted b...